Maybe, He’s Right

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What I half comprehended as he brought a fussy, demanding little toddler up to bed: “I’m just gonna take the nuk away.”

Approximately, what my mommy-lactating brain said internally: ‘sure at some point hopefully soon – but we have to ease in to it – she’s so attached at night – we were successful taking it away during the day – I did that – I knew what I was doing – but we have to talk about it together and then prepare her and talk with her about it – ”

What happened half an hour later: Husband came down the stairs and said, “No more pacifier.”

What my brain did more of: ‘and I don’t know if I’m ready for the battle and I don’t know how – and I don’t know how to battle – and what way to do it – what’s best for her? – she just got a new brother – isn’t it too early for her? – isn’t it too early for me? – there’s no real danger for her having the pacifier still – especially since it’s only when she’s in her crib – I don’t want another monster on our hands – WAIT! – I haven’t over-analyzed this topic to death yet – I haven’t thought about it enough yet – I still need the internal struggle – we can’t do anything until we are ready – WAIT!’

What I said, approximately: “What?! You just took it away from her? What did you do? What did she do? You didn’t even talk with her about it? You didn’t even talk with ME about it? We HAVE to talk about these things. You don’t know what you’re doing. I need to give input. Just you wait until tomorrow, and overnight tonight, all night, for that matter. You’ve hoisted a major burden on me and on her. It’s gonna be H-E-Double-Toothpicks and it won’t even work.”

The result: our one and a half year old was weaned from her nuk that night. And it was smooth. She maybe asked for it 2-4 times that week, but there was no battle and she was really, really, just fine. She was fine (still is); and it was smooth and simple.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe, just maybe, daddy instincts are just as good as mommy instincts. Maybe his authority carries as much weight (or more!) than mine. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I should let him do things more often. Maybe I should resist less. Maybe I should submit more.

She’s two and a half now. I don’t remember how long this has been going on, but she does have her fingers in her mouth a lot lately. We both wonder if this a good thing. His views are stronger than mine (that we need to ween her from it). It is something we need to tackle from a training perspective, eventually. Maybe this Fingers in the Mouth phase is her substitution for a pacifier. Maybe she needs it for security, for teething, for fun. But maybe not. And, maybe, he knows what to do about it. Maybe I’ll follow his lead. Maybe, he’s right. He has been before.

 

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