How to Maximize Under the Bed Storage while Keeping it Dust Free under There

How to Maximize Under the Bed Storage while Keeping it Dust Free under There

  1. Fly to another state to visit your siblings after your quarterly discovery that there is dust all over the luggage you keep under the bed.
  2. Have 2 kids. Neither of them should be fully potty trained when you begin this project, though both of them are old enough.*
  3. After having a lovely dinner with friends, go home with the book they lent you: Potty Training without Tantrums by John Rosemond.
  4. Discover chapter 8 (or is it 5?), which deals with interventions for children who are more than old enough to correctly use the little ladies and little men’s rooms. This applies to your situations.
  5. Casually leave the book out.
  6. Casually rejoice when Husband observes, out of the blue, that he read the book and, ‘there’s something to his ideas’. (Note that at this point you are not desperate for a potty solution,  because you have moved beyond that stage.)
  7. Decide to embark on said intervention during a long weekend since the preschool will be closed.
  8. The day before departure on said journey, borrow another baby gate. You will use gates, on the advice of said expert author, to gate both kids into separate bathrooms until they produce.
  9. Also that evening, draft a Potty Flow Chart with the plan for this journey (see below for an early example of ours). No pun intended.
  10. Realize that you need to get the 3 year old out of the crib since he can’t be a responsible pre-schooler who uses the potty if he is trapped in a crib during nap and bedtime.
  11. The next morning (D Day!), note that the crib has a large/wide drawer that is the perfect size for under the bed storage in your room.
  12. Rejoice!**
  13. Disassemble the crib and bring it – all but the wonderful drawer! – to the garage while your children alternately fuss and get real quiet in their respective bathrooms.
  14. Proceed with the day according to the Potty Flow Chart.
  15. Clean out the dusty drawer instead of setting the table for dinner.*** If this goes according to plan, the child that is upstairs has been crying pitifully for 28 full minutes at the top of the steps****.
  16. You are resolved, thanks to Dr. Rosemond, to see this through and let the kids take care of their own potty needs and clean up, thank you very much. Take a second as you walk to the bottom of the steps to re-resolve.
  17. Head up the steps with the drawer that is twice your size.
  18. Open the gate while managing not to fall down the steps.
  19. Avoid hurting the child with the gate as it opens (he/she is a mere 2.3 inches away).
  20. Achieve the last step up, realizing that the texture is not that of an old wood floor. It is pee.
  21. Get the dumb drawer over the pee puddle while telling said child to clean up after him/herself, for goodness sake. Also try to avoid whacking your child with the drawer as you swing it around to the other part of the hallway.
  22. Rejoice! There’s no pee on your new storage phenomenon, and the child is unharmed!
  23. Pick up the stack of things the drawer knocked from the banister to the (mercifully) dry side of the hallway.*****
  24. The 2nd morning of the Great Potty Intervention, cry as you put the kids back in Potty Prison.
  25. Go to the office to online shop, because you have realized in the last 24 hours that a drawer, even a large one, doth not prevent dust under the bed. You need a dust ruffle. You have a Bed Bath and Beyond coupon.
  26. Realize that your box spring, upon which the dust ruffle will be placed, is low profile. Not standard. You don’t know what size dust ruffle you need, and in order to find out you have to measure, and in order to do that you have to walk past 1 of the bathrooms. You are not willing to show your face to a child who you have imprisoned. This is not due to guilt. You are merely following the advice of the good doctor to not intervene. The child makes his/her own poop.
  27. Resolve to measure for a dust ruffle just as soon as you can without compromising potty prison time.
  28. Since you are in Office Prison, write a blog post detailing these steps for the benefit of humanity.
  29. Done!

*Editor’s note: steps 1 and 2 can be interchanged.

**You are a mere 17 steps away from maximizing under the bed storage while keeping it dust free under there.

***An entire day has gone by. Both kids are still in their respective bathrooms.

****Editor’s note: ***is incorrect. One child is 2 feet outside the bathroom at the top of the steps currently.

*****Somehow, you are back on the steps at this point, behind the gate, behind the pee puddle and sobbing child. Somehow the kids has a rag and cleaning up through tears. The drawer is a mere 4 feet away, but feels like an ocean’s distance. It’s just like Jane Eyre described to Mr. Rochester the night he proposed. “Your wife stands between us.” Or something like that. You don’t remember the exact quote. You haven’t read a real book since college – only the pertinent parts of Potty Training without Tantrums. Heck, you had to search the entire internet for ‘Jane Eyre characters’ in order to remember Mr. Rochester’s name.

Hat tip to Jen Hatmaker’s style of How To lists.

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